i want you to call me. i want you to have something to say to me. anything. everything. please find some worth in dialing me up. text me, say you miss me. tell me you want to have a sleepover. because i keep trying. i keep holding on. i keep calling you my best friend. so be my best friend. please. because i really need you. honestly, sometimes i feel, well most of the time i feel, like your my only true friend. but you dont even call me anymore. im always the one to text first. and i try to bring it up with you, but you always brush it off. please, please don't leave me. don't ever leave me. because i have no one to replace you with. but you have everyone to replace me with. and its like, i see all of these "best friends" together. and they're so good together. they're so happy. they're always there for each other. they always put each other first. and thats why i dont understand. you say your my best friend, but then i feel like i can't call you when i need you. truth is, i really miss you. ok? i miss laughing with you. i miss you spilling your guts. i miss spilling my guts. i miss our sleepovers. i miss how you make me feel ok. i miss it. and i miss you. and just, fuck. why cant you miss me? please, just miss me. please, call me. please, care how im doing. please. because your supposed to be my best friend. and i've tried bringing it up with you. but you don't ever change. you, never, ever change. fuck. fuck. fuck. whats so wrong with me? whats so terrible about me? why am i so wrong? please just- i dont even know what to say-care? be my best friend again. because i really, really miss you. just, please tell me the things i want to hear. but don't lie to me either. im sorry i keep telling you what to do. i just really miss you. and im begging you, please don't push me away anymore. because i really, really care about you. and i don't know what to do.
and if you cared, this is what i would say:
i cry too much, i feel so lost. i push myself too hard. i take myself too seriously. i want to travel the world- thats my dream. i dont feel like i deserve anything. i've stopped eating again. i feel like nobody at my new school likes me very much. they always have somebody they like more. i just want to feel ok again. i think about killing myself practically every day.

please want to hear it all.