i've fucked up one too many times. all i ever do is fuck up. everything. every good thing. every bad thing. i fuck it up. i waste time. time time time. i need it. and i need a fucking vacation. i curse too much. i weigh too much. i fight too much. i cry too much. i never do the things i should. i have the weight of the world on my shoulders. i expect too much. too much. my life has become utterly too much for me to take. and even though im so fucking lost i can barely breathe, i want to lose myself. i want to lose the confusion and just go fuck everything up and pretend i don't care. i want to steal the fucking car and go drive. right now. i got my license yesterday. and i want to go drive. somewhere. anywhere. i just would really like that. there's nothing i would like more. maybe i will. right now. go driving. but maybe i won't. fuck. im going to. i want to go do something for me. that i want to do in the moment and not worry about everything else i have to and want to do. i just want to go drive.
fuck this shit.