and maybe i'm just trying to be perfect. and i can't help but get hurt by your words. "its nice to just vent to somebody sometimes who actually listens" -oh fuck you. i listen. i'm just done with everybody. i'm done caring more than i should. i'm done trying harder than i need to. i'm done, done, done. because life is awful. and if you don't like me very much, then just be forward about it already. just spit it in my face so i stop trying to be liked. and maybe it has and i just haven't been listening. i need to listen to my friends, my real friends. and sometimes, i really wonder who they are. i only know of one for sure. and even sometimes with her its foggy. i just need to stop trying to live up to everybodies expectations. i need to live for me. i need to feel like i'm worth living for. fuck it melissa, yes you are! you are worth every little ounce of energy you put into yourself. you deserve every good thing in this world. you need to start loving yourself as much as you love others. you need to start fucking living. you need to get your homework done. you need to get a's. you need to be pretty. you need to be skinny. god, grow up already and get yourself together. i wish i was everything people loved in me when they first met me. i wish i could be everything. i wish i didn't feel like this. you know, its funny to read your thoughts put into words. my head just spins and spins and i want to make it stop, i really do. i wish i could. and here my thoughts are spinning again. again, again, again. i'm exhausted and sometimes i just feel like the days that are good aren't worth the bad one's anymore.
am i worth my time?
are you worth my time?