Color Collective

This is one of the most original and creative blogs I've seen yet.
It's well worth checking out, in my opinion.
:)

I want to be happy. I want to be happy with myself, and the world around me. I want to look in the mirror and feel OK. I don't want to feel fat. I want to feel beautiful, and lovable. I want to live my life each day, and find beautiful things. I want to eat three meals a day, and drink my coffee in the morning and my tea at night. I want to play tennis, and piano. I want to spend my time doing glorious things. Things that make me happy. I want to be with my friends, I don't want to push people away anymore. I want to believe in myself. I want to take a risk, get out of my comfort zone. I want to feel a little less comfortable than I am. But I want to be comfortable and happy with myself. People can tell, when your happy with yourself. They can feel it. It's in your energy. NOT in how you look. I want to forget autopilot and actually live my life. I want to listen music, read books, watch movies. I want to live. I don't want to wear myself out with pain of the past. The past is done, I'm ready to live for now. I want to be free with myself, and free with the world. I want to speak my opinion. i want to get sleep tonight. Do yoga in the morning and eat. I want to eat. I want to lose weight too. But the healthy way, I don't want to kill myself. I want to live past 20. I want to be healthy and glowing, not sad and droopy. I want to live. I do, I really do this time. I don't want others to control me. I'm ready to go live now, I'm ready to piece myself back together. I'm ready for something to go right. I'm ready to be happy. I'm ready.

and you know what?
fuck you.

i just don't know how to feel anymore. its like i give and i give and i give. i give so much of myself, i don't feel like i'm living my own life. its never about me, its always about everybody else. and this may sound selfish of me, but i want to live my life now. i want to do my thing. i want somebody to give two shits about my problems. oh don't get me wrong, i love helping people. i love being there for people. i love that, its a big part of my life. and i would never ever want that taken away from me. but sometimes, its just i want to be selfish. i want somebody to make me feel good. i want happiness, i want to feel wanted. i want to be needy. i want somebody to deal with me sometimes. to help me. i can't do it on my own. i just can't. and everybody fails to see that, or at least fails to care. i just want to trust somebody. i want somebody to care. i want somebody to understand. ME ME ME. i want it to be about me. is that really too much to ask?
<3

Never change. What crappy advice. Always change. Grow, evolve, progress. Keep going forward. Change is good, change is real, change is right. Staying the same, always? Where's the fun in that? Where's the happiness? I see none. People tend to not like change because it's scary, or it hurts. But how do we know if there is something better if we never look for it?
Never change? NO. Always change, always move. Its the way life was meant to be lived.

"BECAUSE SOMETIMES PEOPLE DO ACTUALLY FEEL THAT WAY. SOMETIMES YOUR LIFE FEELS LIKE IT'S CAVING IN ON YOU. SOMETIMES PEOPLE REALLY DO FEEL LIKE THEY DON'T WANT TO EXIST, LIKE THEY WANT TO JUST CURL UP IN A BALL, AND GO INTO THAT PLACE BETWEEN LIFE AND DEATH. SAYING "I DON'T WANT TO EXIST" ISN'T SAYING "I WANT TO GO DIE". IT'S SAYING "I WISH THAT, FOR THE TIME BEING, I COULD GO SOMEWHERE AND NOT HAVE TO FEEL". I DON'T THINK THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT. AND IF YOU DON'T KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO FEEL THIS WAY, THEN YOU HAVE NO PLACE TO JUDGE ANYONE WHO DOES."
i found this on The Inky Finger Files but felt it fit my life at the moment, so borrowed it.

i think we are much too obsessed with death. its always "I want to die a good person" "if i die, who will be at my funeral?" "I would say this and that at so-and-so's funeral" "my true friends will show up at my funeral" why not life? why not "I want to live a good person"? why not "If something goes wrong, who will be there to pick me back up"? why not, "if i could say anything to so-and-so this is what i would say"? why not "My true friends are the ones who will be there to experience the world with me"? who cares about death anyways, because once your out, your out. and there is nothing you can do about it. i know one thing for sure, i don't want to be around people who are preoccupied with death. i don't want people to think that in order to mean something to me, they have to show up at my funeral. my defining moment is not my death, but my life. i want people who will relish in life with me. who will read good books, listen to music, take long road trips. somebody who is willing to breathe every breath with me. somebody who will see the beauty in everything, instead of passing right by it. life is not about death. life is about life. death is "the end" on the last page of the book. what is more important? the story, or the final two words? death is the silence at the end of a song, before the next one starts. but that silence is not what defines the song, the song defines the song. death is when your parked in the drive-way at the end of a road trip. but that last second before opening the car door is not the most important part of the trip. we fail to remember that. and I pledge, that during life I will not think about death. because i have the rest of eternity after death to think about death. while i am living, i will think about life. in the end, that's all we have anyways. is our life. and the lives to follow ours.

Crashed on the floor when I moved in
This little bungalow with some strange new friends
Stay up too late, and I'm too thin
We promise each other it's till the end
Now we're spinning empty bottles
It's the five of us
With pretty eyed boys girls die to trust
I can't resist the day
No, I can't resist the day

Jenny screams out and it's no pose
'Cause when she dances she goes and goes
Beer through the nose on an inside joke
I'm so excited, I haven't spoken
And she's so pretty, and she's so sure
Maybe I'm more clever than a girl like her
The summer's all in bloom
The summer is ending soon

It's alright and it's nice not to be so alone
But I hold on to your secrets in white houses

Maybe I'm a little bit over my head
I come undone at the things he said
And he's so funny in his bright red shirt
We were all in love and we all got hurt
I sneak into his car's cracked leather seat
The smell of gasoline in the summer heat
Boy, we're going way too fast
It's all too sweet to last

It's alright
And I put myself in his hands
But I hold on to your secrets in white houses
Love, or something ignites in my veins
And I pray it never fades in white houses

My first time, hard to explain
Rush of blood, oh, and a little bit of pain
On a cloudy day, it's more common than you think
He's my first mistake

Maybe you were all faster than me
We gave each other up so easily
These silly little wounds will never mend
I feel so far from where I've been
So I go, and I will not be back here again
I'm gone as the day is fading on white houses
I lie, put my injuries all in the dust
In my heart is the five of us
In white houses

And you, maybe you'll remember me
What I gave is yours to keep
In white houses
White Houses- Vanessa Carlton

sometimes, i think, we get so caught up in something that we forget who we are and what we want. we relish in this new something and it feels nice not to be so alone. more than nice, even. we feel good. and we forget that this isn't what we really want. we forget our expectations and settle for something that makes us feel good, even if it doesn't feel right. and then, when that something gets taken away from you, you feel incredibly sad. and its not because being away from that something feels wrong, but because we are alone again. However, after awhile we realize that being alone isn't so bad and then we start to realize just how wrong that something was. and then we realize not to waste our time with feeling good, because most of the time good equals wrong and alright equals right. i mean, look at it. alright even has the word right in it. so after we look at the facts, we start to feel happy because we know that even though we had that big emotional roller coaster, we are actually closer to right than wrong and thats all we really wanted anyways, right? and then when we are all happy a new something comes along, but this time, the something is right because now, after everything is said and done, we can tell the difference between right and wrong. and then, even though we are caught up entirely in this new something, we still understand who we are and what we want, and that maybe by finding this right, we can begin to realize we are all wrong.

i have lots to say. and here is where i'll say it.