im in this place, this good place. its happy. happier than i've been in awhile. the people, the places, the conversations. it's good. it's the way i want it. i never thought it would be this easy, to get where i am. but all of a sudden, it just popped up. out of nowhere. like a jack in the box that somebody else wound up. but really, i should of seen this day coming. it was so easy. i just decided that i didn't care anymore, about the stupid people. about the people that hurt me. about the places where everything went wrong. i let go, i moved on. and suddenly, everything was ok. and now i'm happier than ever. so happy that i just want to hug everything in pure delight, just because i can. just hugs, hugs and more hugs. every day, every minute. wrapped up in somebodies arms. anybodies. but in this place, this overly happy place, where the equation equals the right amount-im scared. so scared. frightened. like i don't want to take it overboard. because whenever you go up, you have to go down. i'm scared i'll lose it all. that everything and everybody that makes me happy, will decide that i don't make them happy. and they'll leave. and i'll be crying, because i thought i had them. i thought they wanted me. but they didn't. and it'll be a terrible surprise. it's like im just waiting for the egg to crack, for all the happiness and glitter to spill through in one big rush and i won't have enough time, or energy, to catch it. it's all so scary. and i sit here, and i think about this. maybe a little too much, but thats just me. i just am so happy and so scared at the same time. please, please don't let me lose you.

i like small boobs.
i like hardcore concerts with mosh pits.
i like men.
i like college.
i like Mike's Hard Lemonade.
i like braids.
i like the sky.
i like December.
i like pianos.
i like the ocean.
i like second chances.
i like forgiveness.
i like High School football games.
i like new computers.
i like modesty.
i like fancy cameras.
i like walls covered in pictures.
i like the color yellow.
i like love.
i like a child's artwork.
i like inspiration.
i like people with a different point of view.
i like traveling.
i like reading.
i like washing my face.
i like laughing so hard i cry.
i like not making sense.
i like girls who give long hugs.
i like parties.
i like cupcakes.
i like magazines.
i like acorns.
i like poetry.
i like making lists.
i like thinking.
i like glitter.
i like looking in the mirror, and believing i'm beautiful.
i like lemonade.
i like things.
Obviously.

i'm never good enough for myself. every glance in the mirror, every failed attempt, everything. i'm never ever good enough. for once, i want to be good enough. i want to look in the mirror and think "your alright". not "oh my, just LOOK at you. your gross." but i think it anyways, cause i just can't get past it. i can't get past how fat i am. or how ugly. or how not worth it. i just am stuck in this terrible place that nobody ever wants to be in. but guess who's in it? me.
fuck me.

New Dress A Day

This Blog is all about one woman's search for happiness.
Through vintage clothing and a scissors.

It's definitely one of the most inspirational and creative blogs I've found.

I'm claustrophobic. Cliche expectations weigh me down. They always have. Go to college, get married, have kids. Stay in a mid-sized town just like this one. I'm expected to be normal. I'm claustrophobic. I want out. I want to go. I want to do things. I want to travel. I want to not be normal. I want to live. Experience. I want that. I want so much of it that I don't know what to do with it all. I don't want society's ideas bogging me down like they are now. I want to get up and go. I want to be free. What is life if you don't ever live? If you never leave? If you follow the crowd? WHAT IS THE POINT? High School sucks. I'm going to get it over with. Then I'm out. I'm going to travel, maybe take semesters of school here and there. But I want to travel. I'm claustrophobic. One thing's for sure, I'm going to get out. Graduation will not be a sad time for me. It'll be the key to freedom. Get jobs, go to school, save up money and GO.
GO. GO. GO.
i'm claustrophobic.
i need to go.
Get good grades in high school, so I have my options open. Education is important, so many people fail to see that. Without knowledge, we are worthless. We need information, ON EVERYTHING. Study, learn, process.
I can do this.
I can get out.

I accept you.

Every single part of you.

The part you hate, the part you hide, the part you love too much for your own good.

Every single part-I accept with open arms.

In a world-rather society- that doesn't like acceptance, I do.

I accept you.

Whether you are gay,fat,too skinny, suicidal, happy, normal, weird, unhappy, scared, regretful, old, young, mad, crazy, blind, ugly, loud, shy, bald, lazy, disordered, funny, hypocritical, too nice, fucked-up, boring, sad, high.

Anything.

I accept you for WHO YOU ARE.

Nothing less, ever.

Because no matter who you are, and no matter where you've been- you deserve love.

That is a fact.

You deserve every hug, every smile, every touch.

You deserve it.

You deserve somebody who will love you unconditionally.

You deserve somebody who will be by your side, no matter how awful you've been.

I solemnly swear to be that person.

To everybody I meet.

EVERYBODY deserves a second chance.

YOU INCLUDED.

Nobody deserves to feel like they aren't good enough, like they've messed up too much, like they don't deserve the best.

Because every single person does.

I don't care who they are.

They deserve to be loved unconditionally.

They really do.

You do.

So if anybody who stumbles across this blog post, needs somebody, or even wants somebody:

You can email me.

bougiemelissa@gmail.com

Spill your guts, and I will be there to help you pick up all the pieces and put them back together.
I promise.

Even if you just need a light chat, I will be there.

Why?

Because I accept you.

All of you.